A List

Recent or Re-Emphasized Events/Thoughts/Realizations

• A couple weeks ago I fell while out for a jog. No reported witnesses. Praise God.
• I burned my finger the other day. I have a new scar. :)
• On Sunday night, at church, during a serious moment, I fell. And everyone either saw or heard. (We're talking 100+ people here. I know, right?)
• I got yelled at by my parents on the phone for "not communicating".
• I found out I probably can't go to New York this summer because I have to take my grandparents to Texas to visit their home and family.
• I found out I still don't know how to say no; or at least communicate what's best for me.
• I still don't have a "real" job; but the trip to Texas means I'll be gone during "hiring season". (I know God will provide though.)
• I don't know whether to stay in the girls' intern house (even though I'm not going to be an intern and I don't have a job), move back in with my parents (I think I'd go crazy), or move into an apartment with a friend of mine (I don't have a job and I'm supposed to somehow save up for school anyway).
• I'm not much of a game player and I don't do dishonesty very well. Especially when it comes to the things that matter.
• I would prefer that a person honestly tell me what they think about me, how they feel about me, or their opinion of me/what I say/what I do, so that I can address it/them appropriately-possibly with an apology, possibly with clarification, definitely with complete honesty and unconditional love.
• I miss theatre. Like, I cried myself to sleep one night last week because I missed it so much.
• I'm not in control of my life anymore, but I'm okay with that.
• I need God more than a balloon needs air.
• I love God more than anyone/anything. Period.
• I am truly, deeply, ridiculously content with God and me.
• It's not about me, my job is to be like the moon-a Son reflector-both in word and action. No excuses or exceptions.
• Everything good flows out of God's love. Nothing good comes without it.
  

Oh! And I'm preaching tomorrow night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited/humbled! Pray for me?

much love.

[Early December]
Well, I haven't been as faithful in updating this as I'd hoped to be...but I think I'm excused as life has been a bit crazy lately. I have yet to get up the courage to talk to a counselor at my school about my academic downfall that has been this semester...I keep putting it off and now the semester is almost over. Eek.
In other news, my abuelito has been out of the hospital for...a couple weeks? I think it's been a couple weeks now...I'm honestly not sure. My days kind of overlap and run into each other. Anyway, he has good days and bad days. He has days when he's willing to move here with us and days when he's not. Same goes for my abuelita. She has days when she handles things well and remembers what she should (regarding things like my abuelito's medicines) and days when she gets forgetful and confused. I just talked to my mom on the phone today, and she said they've both digressed back to Spanish. Not that speaking Spanish is something one generally digresses to-I actually aspire to learn it-but they both used to be bilingual. And now they're not. Their English is apparently very broken and often incorrect. So there's actually a minor language barrier between them and my mom. See, when my mom was growing up, they insisted on her speaking only English and refused to teach her Spanish. She ended up surprising them by picking it up anyway; but she hasn't had very much practice speaking it for years. So her Spanish isn't what it was and their English is almost non-existant. However, all-in-all they're doing well. If you've been praying for them, please continue to do so as it is still just as necessary as ever.
[Now]
As I type I'm actually sitting in McKinney, TX (just outside of Dallas) in the living room of my parents' old pastor. A man I have heard about constantly growing up. He and his wife are even better than the stories. Southern, Holy Spirit filled, Bible quoting at every turn people. I love it! Pastor John is incredible! He's an artist, a musician, a poet, and an incredibly wise man of God. His wife Ann is equally amazing in her wisdom and spirit. We're staing with them through Monday, but we've been in TX since the 22nd. We were staying at my great Tia Frances' house, several blocks away from my grandparents. My abuelito has lost a lot of weight and my abuelita has gained some. His doctors advise him to try to gain some and hers just the opposite. She jokes that it would all be just fine if she could give him some of hers. They seem to be doing alright, but they can't live alone. So either we move here or they move out to CA. We'll probably move them out with us, but there's a lot of stress and pressure with all of that and the details concerning that right now. Our house isn't big enough for them to live with us, they have lot of things, and some of their siblings and friends are still alive out here. The thing is: for years, my abuelito was the one who took care of everything and everyone out here, but noone will help him now. His doctor wants to move him into some kind of hospice proram, but that would essentially be a death watch. We have a doctor out in CA (a nutritionist) who would likely be able to help him far more than a death watch; and with everything he's always done for everyone-including our family-we need to try it. They've enjoyed having all the kids out here, but it can be kind of stressful for them with all of the noise. It's been nice though. Not a "vacation" per se, and when we get back there it'll be even less "vacation-y"; however, seeing my grandparents and helping them out...just spending time with them...well, it's been worth it. :) God is so faithful. I'll update later with more information and whatnot when I have time, but I have to be getting to bed now.
Hope you all had a marvelous Christmas!!!

much love.

Holding On: Prayer, Pictures, and Special K

Please be praying for my family right now.
My grandpa's in the hospital because of congestive heart failure. He went in last Thursday, but we only found out on Saturday. He wasn't supposed to survive past Sunday. But yesterday they moved him out of ICU. Now the doctors are saying he'll only be alive for about 3-6 months and he has to either go to a convalescent hospital or my abuelita has to take care of him at home. He wants the second one. The only problem with that is that my abuelita can barely care for herself. So, we're praying about what to do about that situation. We may be moving them all out here with us. My abuelito, my abuelita, and my (great) tia. My mom left town on Monday morning at 3:30 a.m. to fly to Texas (with my baby brother) to help my grandma (abuelita). My grandparents are both in their 80s and their English isn't what it use to be-so until my mom arrived on Monday, there was a little bit of a language barrier. [See, my half Mexican side comes from them. :)] Anyway, my mom was only supposed to be gone for 3 weeks. Nothing's official yet, but she'll probably be gone a bit longer than that. Which means I am "Sissy"/Mommy...and my sisters(7 and 8-almost 9) and my dad miss my mom. A lot.

On Monday, I took a day off of work so I could be available to pick up my sisters from school and surprise them by taking them to see High School Musical 3: Senior Year.

<-- They loved it!

Their Sharpay impressions -->

I have a lot I'm praying about and trying to figure out too. This kind of came as a shock. I was planning on finshing this semester at the local junior college, moving out mid-December and starting internship at my church in January. But I don't think any of that is going to happen right now. It'll all probably be delayed until further notice. I'm going to try to get an appointment with a counselor at my school to see what I can work out with my classes and finals-if anything...but being "mom" means I don't know what I'll be able to do for them. And financially, moving out now isn't an option. My parents are going to be depending on my rent check now more than ever (never thought I'd see the day)...and they need my help/moral support. So maybe I'll be able to move out/start internship next fall...?
I don't know...All I know is that God's in control. And Jeremiah 29:11, 2 Corinthians 5:7, Isaiah 41:10, and Isaiah 40:31. But, aside from the fact that you're praying for us, I think that's all I need to know. God promised me He has a plan for me. That He'll strengthen, help, and hold me. So I'm going to hold onto that and walk by faith, not by sight. It doesn't mean I won't get overwhelmed or upset at times-I'm human. But I know that God will be there when I do feel that way. I know He'll be there no matter what.
<-- I took this pic on Saturday, just a few hours after I found out about my abuelito. Ironic that it was right over the hospital... but God couldn't have chosen a more perfect time to remind me that I'm never alone.

On a lighter note:

If you thought I was kidding about being obsessed with taking pictures of the sky during this time of year/kind of weather...I strongly urge you to take off your socks. They're about to be blown off. I took 31 pictures of just the sky in 2 days time. This while I was supposed to be either driving or taking pictures of the family get-together we just had for Thanksgiving/Christmas...what can I say? ;p

On an even lighter note:
I have a question. Do you like Special K cereal with the strawberries? Every time I pour it into my bowl, I ask myself this question: Do I want to pick through and get rid of the strawberries, or do I want to eat them? Don't get me wrong, I love strawberries. Juicy, red, and sweet ...I mean, what's not to love? And when they're chocolate-covered? Or with a fondue... mmm mmm good! But, in Special K cereal...well, the snozberries just don't taste like snozberries. They're a little bitter...I don't know how to describe it exactly. I like them, but then I don't. I can never decide. So I usually just decide to be lazy and eat them. Tonight I had this same dilemma; however, tonight I voiced my hesitancy and conflict to my younger 18-year-old brother. He actually agreed with me. No weird look. No crazy face. No eye-rolling. He agreed. I was pleasantly shocked. But, are we weird? And am I weird for spending so much thought on it? I mean, in the end I guess it doesn't matter if the snozberries taste like snozberries or the strawberries in Special K cereal taste like strawberries...
But it still bothers me!

much love.