A List

Recent or Re-Emphasized Events/Thoughts/Realizations

• A couple weeks ago I fell while out for a jog. No reported witnesses. Praise God.
• I burned my finger the other day. I have a new scar. :)
• On Sunday night, at church, during a serious moment, I fell. And everyone either saw or heard. (We're talking 100+ people here. I know, right?)
• I got yelled at by my parents on the phone for "not communicating".
• I found out I probably can't go to New York this summer because I have to take my grandparents to Texas to visit their home and family.
• I found out I still don't know how to say no; or at least communicate what's best for me.
• I still don't have a "real" job; but the trip to Texas means I'll be gone during "hiring season". (I know God will provide though.)
• I don't know whether to stay in the girls' intern house (even though I'm not going to be an intern and I don't have a job), move back in with my parents (I think I'd go crazy), or move into an apartment with a friend of mine (I don't have a job and I'm supposed to somehow save up for school anyway).
• I'm not much of a game player and I don't do dishonesty very well. Especially when it comes to the things that matter.
• I would prefer that a person honestly tell me what they think about me, how they feel about me, or their opinion of me/what I say/what I do, so that I can address it/them appropriately-possibly with an apology, possibly with clarification, definitely with complete honesty and unconditional love.
• I miss theatre. Like, I cried myself to sleep one night last week because I missed it so much.
• I'm not in control of my life anymore, but I'm okay with that.
• I need God more than a balloon needs air.
• I love God more than anyone/anything. Period.
• I am truly, deeply, ridiculously content with God and me.
• It's not about me, my job is to be like the moon-a Son reflector-both in word and action. No excuses or exceptions.
• Everything good flows out of God's love. Nothing good comes without it.
  

Oh! And I'm preaching tomorrow night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited/humbled! Pray for me?

much love.

[Early December]
Well, I haven't been as faithful in updating this as I'd hoped to be...but I think I'm excused as life has been a bit crazy lately. I have yet to get up the courage to talk to a counselor at my school about my academic downfall that has been this semester...I keep putting it off and now the semester is almost over. Eek.
In other news, my abuelito has been out of the hospital for...a couple weeks? I think it's been a couple weeks now...I'm honestly not sure. My days kind of overlap and run into each other. Anyway, he has good days and bad days. He has days when he's willing to move here with us and days when he's not. Same goes for my abuelita. She has days when she handles things well and remembers what she should (regarding things like my abuelito's medicines) and days when she gets forgetful and confused. I just talked to my mom on the phone today, and she said they've both digressed back to Spanish. Not that speaking Spanish is something one generally digresses to-I actually aspire to learn it-but they both used to be bilingual. And now they're not. Their English is apparently very broken and often incorrect. So there's actually a minor language barrier between them and my mom. See, when my mom was growing up, they insisted on her speaking only English and refused to teach her Spanish. She ended up surprising them by picking it up anyway; but she hasn't had very much practice speaking it for years. So her Spanish isn't what it was and their English is almost non-existant. However, all-in-all they're doing well. If you've been praying for them, please continue to do so as it is still just as necessary as ever.
[Now]
As I type I'm actually sitting in McKinney, TX (just outside of Dallas) in the living room of my parents' old pastor. A man I have heard about constantly growing up. He and his wife are even better than the stories. Southern, Holy Spirit filled, Bible quoting at every turn people. I love it! Pastor John is incredible! He's an artist, a musician, a poet, and an incredibly wise man of God. His wife Ann is equally amazing in her wisdom and spirit. We're staing with them through Monday, but we've been in TX since the 22nd. We were staying at my great Tia Frances' house, several blocks away from my grandparents. My abuelito has lost a lot of weight and my abuelita has gained some. His doctors advise him to try to gain some and hers just the opposite. She jokes that it would all be just fine if she could give him some of hers. They seem to be doing alright, but they can't live alone. So either we move here or they move out to CA. We'll probably move them out with us, but there's a lot of stress and pressure with all of that and the details concerning that right now. Our house isn't big enough for them to live with us, they have lot of things, and some of their siblings and friends are still alive out here. The thing is: for years, my abuelito was the one who took care of everything and everyone out here, but noone will help him now. His doctor wants to move him into some kind of hospice proram, but that would essentially be a death watch. We have a doctor out in CA (a nutritionist) who would likely be able to help him far more than a death watch; and with everything he's always done for everyone-including our family-we need to try it. They've enjoyed having all the kids out here, but it can be kind of stressful for them with all of the noise. It's been nice though. Not a "vacation" per se, and when we get back there it'll be even less "vacation-y"; however, seeing my grandparents and helping them out...just spending time with them...well, it's been worth it. :) God is so faithful. I'll update later with more information and whatnot when I have time, but I have to be getting to bed now.
Hope you all had a marvelous Christmas!!!

much love.

Hey There!

I used to have a livejournal. In fact, I still know how to log onto my old one. But I wanted to start fresh without erasing the memories I have on that account. So...I made a blogspot. :) I like writing and journaling...so I figured I might as well just do it.

Side-note:
Any time that I sound "preachy" at all in my posts, it's because it's generally about something God's taking me through, or showing me, or it's something God's just reiterating to me...so just be aware that "preaching" at you is never my intention when I first begin a post...or ever. Unless I tell you I'm going to be preaching...in which case all I can say is: you were warned. :D

Ok, so basically this first post is an intro to...well...me. This is the description on my youtube...and pretty accurately describes me without going into a ton of detail:

I'm a P.K. (Pastor's Kid). Which could explain a lot. I'm also a contradiction of sorts. What I mean is, many things about me are contradictory. For example, most people would describe me as incredibly outgoing; but I can be one of the shyest people ever sometimes. I don't care what people think and have very little shame (within reason) when I'm just hanging out; but it is relatively easy to make me blush embarrassedly. I highly dislike heights; but I love mountain climbing. I love talking with people and being out and about; but I also adore times when I get to get comfy in my sweats and just read-losing myself as I do. I can be hyper, crazy, goofy, silly, you name it; but when it's time to work, I've been told I scare people-nothing distracts me when I'm really focused. Although these are only some examples, there is one thing about me that's never a contradiction: my love for God.

The facts:

• I'm 19.
• I've been a Christian since I was 3...like, I actually started my relationship with Christ when I was 3.
• I've never been perfect. I never will be.
• I backslid in high school. Not majorly...but enough. No sin is any greater than another; in God's eyes it's all sin. I wasn't the best witness or example. Especially my sophomore and junior years. Senior year I got back on track. If you want to know more about any of that, just ask. :) I'd type it all now, but I don't even know if anyone would be interested in knowing that; and I don't feel like typing out my life story right this second, lol.
• I did theatre, especially musical theatre, for about 14 years. Actually, if we're being really technical, I'm still doing it. I'm just on the directorial/production/writing side now...to be completely honest, I love doing what I'm doing with theatre (My drama teacher in high school said I had "natural instinct when it comes to acting and directing" and that she could see me as a great director...of course she only told that to my parents. I tried so hard to please that woman.); but I miss being on stage. I miss acting. I miss the stress-filled rehearsals; cramming lines, blocking, songs and choreography into my brain; I miss diving into the life of another person and feeling like I really am truly walking in another person's shoes; I miss the costumes; I miss Ben Nye (haha, that dreadful stage make-up...my poor skin); I miss AquaNet (ok, so maybe I don't miss that stuff...I hated that stuff. It's hard to wash out and then if you have that spray-on hair dye on top of one layer of AquaNet and then spray another layer of AquaNet on top of it...nightmares!); I miss the lights, the people, the adrenaline rush...and that feeling of accomplishment at the end of a show. For two hours, we were able to entertain people. And-drama, comedy, or dramedy-for two hours, people were able to forget about their worries, their cares, their concerns...for two hours, life didn't exist outside of that building. For two hours, people were swept away from their seats into a magical place, a far-away land, a distant time period, or right next-door...but, wherever it was, it wasn't their seat. And I was a part of that. That's why the entertainment industry survived The Great Depression. Wow. You know what? God does that same thing. Except He's not in a two-hour industry...His work lasts for eternity. Imagine:
  
  

  For eternity, I provided for people. And-life in shambles, just won the lottery, or caught up the whirlwind called "life"-for eternity, people were able to forget about their worries, their cares, their concerns...for eternity, life didn't exist outside of Me. For eternity, people were swept away from their knees into a miraculous place, an oasis of sorts, My arms, My love, My joy, My peace, My presence...but, wherever it was, it wasn't their knees. And I did all that.

• Oh man. I love God.
• If I had to describe myself in one word: Michelle.

Haha, this wasn't supposed to be that long; so, if you're still reading this, thank you! xD

much love.